Taking the Leap from Comfort Zone to Growth
So, I did this thing recently… I completed my first ballroom dancing competition! The event was actually in January, but it has taken me a while to sit down and really think about all that I gained from that event. It was actually a recent Little Black Book luncheon I attended where a speaker, Lisa Nichols, spoke about the importance of having a growth mindset, that brought me back to my blog.
So, to set the stage… over Christmas my son CJ gave me the gift of dance. The gift was dancing with him at a competition in Franklin, TN. CJ is a ballroom dancer, instructor, and professional competitor. I, on the other hand, am the kind of mom that dances around the kitchen, takes advantage of a wedding dance floor, taps my toes to bar music, but has no actual dance training. The gift came complete with a dance costume and a pending competition date less than a month from the holidays.
I was all at once touched by the gift of sharing such a special moment with my son and yet TERRIFIED!
What if I failed?
What if people made fun of me?
Would I embarrass my son?
Would I embarrass myself?
Could I even do it?
Would my insecurities about myself even allow me to get on that stage and dance?
The awareness that this gift of performing with my son was less about me, and more about the opportunity to have a once in a lifetime experience with CJ motivated me to jump out of my Comfort Zone. It was Lisa Nichols that put what I was feeling into words. To paraphrase, Lisa said when we are unwilling to grow (have a growth mindset), we are not only hurting ourselves, but we are also hurting those around us. This has application to both our personal and professional lives. This gift begged the question: Was I willing to step out of my Comfort Zone and leverage a growth mindset to work through a very uncomfortable situation to strengthen my relationship with CJ?
Well, I did it! I learned the dances, completed the competition AND even walked away with some first-place certificates for my level. How was I able to get through the fear (Fear Zone) and move past what can be a very challenging period (Learning Zone), to make it on the dance floor? Here are a few of the steps I took:
Leveraged my Support System
I talked openly about my fears and confidence issues with some of my closest friends and family members. I was open about fearing failure. I was afraid of being on stage in front of an audience. I was worried I would disappoint CJ. They listened, provided encouragement, and strategies to address the challenges I faced along the way.
Faced Challenges and Problems
One challenge was the costumes and makeup. I had the one costume my son had given me which was very much my personality - great! However, I needed a second costume for a different type of dance we were doing. Challenge: I had picked a gold glittery dress based on what the other dancers wore, but it was not my personality. I was not comfortable in it. This brought up all my worries about self-image and being in front of an audience. Solution: despite the planning and original agreement, I decided the night before the competition to wear something else I had in my closet. This allowed me to be my authentic self and feel confident on the floor. This also led to me decide to do my own hair and makeup and did not try to create my image as something it isn’t.
Acquired New Skills
Ah let’s not forget I needed to learn those dances: Waltz, Hustle, Peabody, Cha-Cha, Rumba, and Salsa! I somewhat new Rumba, but that was based on two 1/2-hour community college lessons. Bigger challenge: CJ lives in Nashville, and I live in St. Louis. Solution: I planned a full day prior to the competition to spend at the dance studio to learn the dances. (There was a bigger lesson taught on learning to be a good follower and not always take the lead - but that is for another day.) I also worked with CJ and the other instructors to come up with cues to remind me which dances we were doing. We kept the lessons simple so that I could easily remember with enough flare to make it fun.
Extended My Comfort Zone
Once I shifted my mindset on the costumes, hair and makeup, and had learned the basic steps of the dances, fear transitioned to fun. We laughed a lot as I practiced. Many toes were stepped on that day, for that I am truly sorry, but we all had a good laugh. I also started forming a deeper relationship with CJ and his co-workers. What a great opportunity to get to know the people with whom he spends all his time. Finally, in allowing myself to grow, I got the unique opportunity to really appreciate the leadership, teaching, and of course dance skills that CJ possess. As his mom I am always proud of him. BUT to transform someone who knows no formal dances into a student competitor in 24 hours - that is talent!
Fast forward to January, we are at the competition, I had reached the Growth Zone! I had my support group. I had the solutions to the problems I encountered. I also had the skills I learned to perform the dances.
All set? Well truth be told I was still nervous. However, I now had a sense of purpose and excitement to share the floor with CJ.
Was it perfect? Not at all. I think we did pretty amazing except for the one time we started out doing the completely wrong dance, oh well. We are still laughing about that one!
Am I glad I did it? Absolutely! I came away proud of myself! I was even more proud of CJ for seeing how he managed a day full of student competitions and his own professional competition! The experience brought us closer in our relationship and now gives us something unique we can continue. It also reminded me of how stepping outside our Comfort Zone, which means working through the Fear Zone and Learning Zone, is extremely rewarding. The feeling of accomplishment is such a rush of energy and excitement! It leads to the question: What will I take on next?
Reader Questions
Where have you used a growth mindset and stepped out of your comfort zone?
What did you learn from the experience?
Let me know.
The following are a few videos of our dancing weekend:
Additional references related to leaving your comfort zone:
Forbes: The Importance of stepping outside your Comfort Zone
